Q&A How Can I Heal From the Affair in the Midst of Ongoing Trauma?

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Question: 

We are 11 months post discovery and I feel stuck in my healing process. My husband has stopped all contact with his limerant affair partner, we participated in EMSO, and he is now active in Hope for Healing. Despite the benefit we have received from those programs, my husband remains ambivalent regarding our marriage. He says he hopes we will be able to stay married, but he cannot commit to it. The ongoing rejection by him, his inability to say with certainty that he wants to remain my husband, continues to traumatize me. You have described well the primal terror that attachment distress can cause. With my husband’s ongoing ambivalence I remain in a perpetual state of attachment distress… how do I heal in the midst of this ongoing trauma without hardening my heart toward him?

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