Q&A How can I Love her After what She's Done?

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Hi Rick,

My wife initiated a long and hurtful affair. She stopped when she was discovered and seems remorseful and willing to do what it takes to repair. People keep asking me "Do you still love her?" and she asks me the same. I find it confusing to answer: I do have feelings of strong attachment to her, maybe it's love; there is so much anger and sadness that it can be hard to say. But it seems that these feelings of love are just left-over feelings of loving the person that I thought she was. I would not have fallen in love and committed myself so deeply to her if I knew she could be so deceitful and cruel to me and so willing to put our sweet children at risk of losing their family. Perhaps instead of trying think about "Do I still love her?" I should think: "Could I ever love this person?"? I know it's not a simple question, but how do you even start trying love someone once you have seen how deeply unkind and selfish they were to the people they were most supposed to take care of?



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