Q&A How Can I Make It Clear That I'm Choosing by Mate over the Affair Partner?

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Question: 

I am the wayward spouse and have been no contact with the affair partner for over two months. Since starting H4H, EMS Online, and individual counseling, things are much better. However, I feel deep emotional turmoil because of the way the affair ended. I tried ending it two times by telling my affair partner it was too painful to engage with him unless he would fully commit to me. After the second time, however, I met him one last time wherein he ended it with me saying he was not ready for the amount of affection I had for him. At the time, I was so thankful to God the affair partner ended it because I didn't think I would ever truly be able to. Now, however, I feel immense guilt over not initially choosing my husband. I never said I needed to end things because of my marriage. I keep feeling I should contact the affair partner to tell him I decided to work on my marriage and that what I did was completely wrong. I feel I can't get closure because I didn't do things the right way and led him to believe I was never going back with my mate. I'm assuming I should not contact the affair partner to get this closure and try to make it right on my end. Is this correct? Any advice on how I come to terms with that fact that I didn't end the affair by saying I was choosing my husband?

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