Q&A How Could I Do This to My Mate?

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Question: 

I ended things with the AP 11 months ago. My husband knew it was an emotional affair but I only told him it was also a physical affair 4.5 months ago. I have been in weekly personal counseling for over 11 months and we've had marriage counseling for 7 months. My husband says he feels empathy from me and, through the counseling, I have a good idea of "why" I did this -- resolving my issues of personal identity. But, my husband says he could have got over the emotional affair but can't get over me having sex with someone else. He constantly asks "how could you do that to me?" When I explain about the personal identity issue he says it doesn't include him and he wants to know the "to me" part of the question. He says he doesn't know whether to stay in the marriage because he cannot get past this question. And when I say I love him and he means so much to me he says he can't believe me if I could have done that to him. How do I answer this question or how do we get past that question?

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