Q&A How Do I Distinguish Between My Nervous System Telling Me I'm Safe & Simply Feeling Relief Because A Trigger Isn't Present?

We're 4 months from discovery, and tried EMS, reading books, praying, listening to sermons, therapy, listening to podcast about betrayal... absolutely everything. Still, I was constantly triggered by being around my husband and it has been a huge obstacle for my healing. We are currently doing a therapeutic separation of trying to heal while living together. Since separating, my physical trauma symptoms have improved significantly. Daily chest pain is finally gone. How do I distinguish between my nervous system genuinely telling me that the relationship is safe versus my nervous system simply feeling relief because I'm no longer being exposed to a trauma trigger? What should I be looking for during separation to know whether reconciliation could eventually become emotionally and physically safe? I'm doing EMDR and individual work, and I'm realizing that my goal isn't necessarily to heal enough to stay. I want to heal enough to make a free decision about whether I actually want the marriage. I still deeply love my husband, but the thought of staying with him after what he did feels unbearable. Now I feel love, but it feels more like family & friend love, not a romantic love. I feel sad that I am feeling this way, but I am also aware that perhaps it's my defense mechanism guiding me to feel this way as I want to protect myself. How can a betrayed partner tell the difference between 'I don't want this marriage anymore' and 'my trauma currently won't allow me to want this marriage'?