Q&A How Do I Feel Safe When Recovery Is Inconsistent?

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Question: 

We are 16 months past the original D-Day and 10 months past his 2 month relapse. His was a 2 year limerent and physical affair. We have taken every course AR offers and are still in M4L. I am doing EMDR and he has done some EMDR with a different counselor. He likes this guy but from what my husband tells me is the EMDR is not weekly or consistent. I don’t feel as though he’s getting to the core of his shame or childhood issues, especially with only 4 or 5 months of inconsistent sessions and now he’s going every other week. He and his counselor feel as though he’s dealt with these things. I know my husbands history and it’s not that simple. My counselor agrees with me from all that I’ve told her. In the beginning of our marriage, 30 years ago, he had fantasy issues, then 12 years ago he was into porn for several years, and now an affair. My question is: How can I feel comfortable, secure, and vulnerable moving forward with him? Each time he progressively gets worse.

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