Your Head Can be a Scary Place

Samuel discusses the mental struggles of a spouse in recovery due to infidelity.

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Another excellent blog post

Thank you Samuel, for this post. You have described me to a T. My mind has been in a crazy place for 4 years now and we have both been doing recovery work through AR, private individual counseling, and I am in Celebrate Recovery for my unforgiveness and copendency issues. He( the unfaithful) is doing fine and appears fully recovered. Nothing bothers him except if I ask an occasional affair question. I, on the other hand, am still almost consumed by the affairs he had...I think mostly because he trickled truthed the details for 3 and a half of the 4 years and basically lied his way through EMS and private sessions with Rick. My most recent dday was this past April. My first dday was Christmas Day 2012. (So I have an anti-versary coming up.) Since discovery, all I want to do is be alone on the holidays, especially Christmas Day. He does nothing to help me through it, just thinks I should be over it by now. He will go to our farm and to his parents for Christmas. I can't go there because he took his AP there. It's a big trigger for me. I will spend my third Christmas alone at home. I know it's me and my thoughts that's the problem. I may be one of those people who are simply unable to recover from trauma like this. I'm beginning to worry that I am.
Thanks for the suggestions to get through the Armageddon in my mind!! I will keep trying and use the suggestions you have given. I hope you and your family have a blessed Christmas.

Reply to Karen

Your not the problem, how in the world could you have predicted how devastated you would be after an injury of this type. Do not tell yourself or let yourself think for even a minute that you the problem. You RISE UP girl!!!! This trauma was done to you- you can take as long as you want to heal the way YOU WANT! Rise up! You are not a reflection of your husband, this is not a problem for you to fix! He could/ should keep finding ways to help you heal, you should not have to coach him or suffer with it. Spend Xmas alone because YOU don't want anymore of any trigger filled associations- Power to you! You decide to do whatever you want - RISE up and take that control back. You are a strong women!!!!

Thank you for saying that!

Thank you for saying that! You are right. I AM stronger than I have ever been in my life and I don't owe anyone an explanation of why I want to be alone and they don't get to dictate to me how to feel or how long it takes me to heal. If The Cheater had come clean in the beginning, we would more than likely be through recovery by now. I am NOT a reflection of his horrible selfish choices!! And I should
NOT need him to heal ( he's not helping anyway!) Thank you for pulling me out of my pity pit today!! I needed to hear all that!! Blessings to you!! I am standing tall!!

Samuel ,

Samuel ,

The use of /or phrase "La la land" kinda indicates that the flooded person (almost always the hurt party) is mentally unstable. Well..... who put this traumatic burden of pain and trauma into their life. I'm not positive, but to say that a person is in " la la land " is adding salt to an open wound. The flooding is normal and completely expected. The hurt person is not crazy or at fault for the effects of a traumatic injury.

What type of affair was it?

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-D, Texas