Q&A How do I Grieve What My Husband did to Me?

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Hello Rick my husband and I are in week 4 of married for life. His affair lasted about a year physically and was longer emotionally of course. He had a previous emotional affair about 8 years ago and has some issues with pornography. All of this revealed with the affair. I really considered him a wonderful man and probably still do. He is working hard towards recovery but I am struggling with sadness depression and loss. I don't know how to feel that our 30 + years together weren't wasted and worthless. As I look back I am struggling with the things we could have and should have done better but I really believe our hearts were in the right place. There was no maliciousness and we both really wanted good for the other. Our communication was lacking so that was a big problem. I just don't know how to grieve the fact that the person I trusted with my heart and that I felt I was trying to give my best to made these choices. Am I grieving our past, the betrayal, the intangibles that exist between a married couple? How do we get those back? I am trying to rebuild but I just cannot get my brain to process his choices to walk away from me/us and the betrayal. I feel he threw me away and felt justified...how does a woman figure out how to deal with "being tossed aside" and know her husband decided she wasn't worthy and he choose someone else. How do I move forward with him, with our relationship? My heart aches inside knowing he didn't want me anymore. There is a tug of war going on inside of me, one side saying move forward and rebuild and the other reminding me of the reality of his loveless selfish actions. We are approximately 4 months post full disclosure. Thank you so grateful for your help.



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