Q&A How Do I Lead My Children Through This if the Marriage Doesn't Make It?

My husband and I have two children, one who's 10 and another who's 17. Our disclosure day was almost 2 years ago. Since then, our children can feel the impact, the heaviness, a shell of a mother whom they have seen weeping, and a father who is busy when they're home from school. My daughter (the 10 yr old) can verbalize noticing a difference and asked if we're upset with her, because we're not smiling and seem upset. My son doesn't mention anything; he prefers to internalize. Originally, we planned to both do the work for healing and renew our vows in 2031 for our 25th anniversary, then tell the kids about our story and how we made it through. I'm working on my healing, my husband has regressed in his. He doesn't want to do any marriage therapy or work to: own, be accountable, or work to prevent himself from cheating in the future. He's even more abusive with the blame shifting, micro aggression, and using guilt to manipulate. How do I lead my children through this as I don't think we'll have a story to tell about my husband and I making it. I don't want to create more turmoil or triangulation AND AT SAME TIME want them to have a name for what they and I are going through. I also want them to be free from feeling responsible for their dad's emotions.