What Should the Betrayed Spouse Do When the Unfaithful Refuses to Get Help?

Samuel shares empowering responses for betrayed spouses who feel stuck in their situation.

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Thank You

I know this is an old blog that I’ve probably watched multiple times before and it didn’t contain any information that I haven’t already heard, but I wanted to let you know that it really helped me today. Hopefully I’m finally in a place where I can take this information and implement it in my own situation for the betterment of my family, my wife, and myself.

Thank you for all you do and your compassion and empathy for those affected by infidelity.

such a great comment thank you

means a ton you'd comment and leave such great encouragement for me.  i'm so glad it helped you.  keep going my friend, one day at a time.


What to do if the betrayed is now the unfaithful?

Can you please help me understand what to do if the betrayed is now the unfaithful spouse who wants me (and our children) whenever he feels like it, but then drops me and goes chasing others or his own thing whenever he feels like it?

Out of a desire to offer restitution I have tolerated a lot for a long time (5 years since d-day) and can see it’s his hurt that causes him to swing back and forth, but I’m really afraid of the example I’m setting for our children, and that I’m not really genuinely loving him or myself by not having boundaries. It also causes me to get really angry sometimes and snap and lose it and be frightfully angry at him, which doesn’t help at all, only making things worse and fuelling his self-righteous indignation.

Whenever I have tried to have boundaries it has been like a red flag to a bull - any tips would be very much appreciated!

This message was so on point for me today -- thank you

Just wanted to say that this was one of the most impactful things I've heard in my recovery journey. As a betrayed, I needed to hear ways to take back my dignity, value, and self-worth, even as my husband 1) has taken my attempt at recovery for granted, 2) refuses to get the true help that he needs, 3) occupies his time with other non-recovery matters, and 4) only gives lip service to making this marriage (and me) and priority.

Thank you for these words and for sharing your journey so others can somehow make sense of everything. God is speaking through you!

means so much you'd say that....thank you

can't tell you how much it means to hear that and how humbling it is to hear that.  thank you for watching, posting and being a part of the community.


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-D, Texas