Q&A How Does He Disconnect From Her and How Do We Reconnect?

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Question: 

Dear Rick, I am in Harboring Hope and just started EMSO. My husband has been unwilling to put forth much effort in recovery since DDay 14 months ago. A couple of times since then I discovered him going back to his AP. She sounds like an obsessed teenager in her emails telling him how she is so in love and no one else ever felt the kind of love they have. She talked about having a blended family with him. I of course want our children to have absolutely nothing to do with her ever, whether or not we make our relationship work. When I finally told him we should separate last month he decided to take the EMSO course with me. He is putting forth some effort now but we are completely disconnected. I feel like he has so much to make up for and I think he feels like I should be “doting on him” the way his AP does. I know I’m not responsible for his recovery but if he wants to make it work and isn’t doing a lot to change or help me heal, what should I do at this point? How does he disconnect from her? How do we reconnect? How can I believe that he really isn’t going back to his AP again? I’ve been stabbed in the back so many times that it’s almost impossible to move forward. It will be a miracle if we get through this. Thanks for any advice!

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