Q&A How Important Is It to Deal with All Betrayals Whether before or after Marriage?

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Question: 

My husband had three affairs within the first year and a half of dating and I had an affair around the three year mark of our relationship. We split up and he was with a few people. While we split up, I was with twelve people. He found out about one of them and in turn got with five other people. We got married a year later but I kept my wild spree a secret for four years into our marriage. Now it has come to light and my husband is devastated. I’ve taken Hope for Healing, attended therapy, and we are in EMS Online. My husband has spoken with two of my sexual partners as well as my sister-in-law about how unhappy he is in our marriage. He stays elsewhere occasionally and turns his phone off so that I can’t find him. He is willing to finish EMS Online but says without me surrendering my pride and focusing on his pain, we can't go on. He said if I want to sacrifice my pride for our marriage I can focus on his pain and not worry about wanting to make amends for my pains now...maybe sometime in the future. We are 14 months in and if I say anything about my trigger I'm defensive and prideful. I realize this is my side and he might tell it different but I'm at a loss and feel like he only wants to heal himself not our marriage as a whole.

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