Q&A How Long Do I Wait for My Unfaithful Spouse to Re-Engage with Me?

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We are six months past the first D-Day and 6 weeks past his relapse, our 2nd D-Day. We went to EMS Weekend in April and I didn't know that he was already in relapse for a month. We also completed EMSO and are beginning M4L now. I initiate ALL of our recreation time. I told him how I would love for him to plan dates, redo his empathy exercises since he was in relapse at the time we did them with EMSO, have an accountability partner. He IS in CR and seeing a counselor and doing M4L, He won't kiss me or make any moves relationally toward me other than holding my hand in public, sitting on the sofa next to me, or holding me in bed at night, so everytime I get upset because the emotional distance is still there, and he asks me, "What can I do?" and I tell him what I just stated to you. In 6 months he has yet to do any of these things, he even sees this and doesn't know why. After a 2 year affair I know he is still in limerence but tells me that he is not in love with her but still has affections and not in love with me. I know we are not safe for each other because when I get hurt I transmit it back to him and he is passive/aggressive.



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