Q&A How Long Do I Wait for the Wayward Spouse to Be Emotionally Available?

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Question: 

We've been married for 31 years, taught & facilitated marriage courses in church, had a strong marriage up until 3.5 years ago when my husband got stretched and went from his true, God honoring self, to his false, egotistical self, and had an emotional, limerent, and physical affair. He was going to leave me for her, but chose to stay. He says he barely thinks about her now, 21 months after D Day. I wish I could say the same. We took all of the courses offered by Affair Recovery. He has yet, to express brokenness, contrition, empathy, or compassion for the hell he’s put me through. I actually have been sleeping in separate rooms for the last month with no physical contact at all, not even hugs because every time I open up my heart, and think we’re connecting, when I flood and need empathy from him, he stonewalls and says things like, “I’m not there yet”. He was there for her, but won’t be for me? He’s been doing EMDR since April ‘19. I did it for the last 15 months. How long do I wait for him to be there emotionally for me?! It’s killing me all over again!!

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