Q&A How Risky is a F.O.B.A.D.?

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Frustrated! Why would a person go through recovery trickling truth throughout? We have had seven discovery days in seven months; none brought on by him saying “I have to tell you something”, but by discovery on my part just like the affair itself. This is after taking all of your online courses. Does this prove that he loves himself more than the marriage? I know it shows no respect to me or our marriage. He seems to think after each new truth, we can just go back to where we were in the process but I feel destroyed. I told him the sixth time, “please tell it all and then we can move on.” I am not sure if he really loves me, or just doesn't want to lose the comfort of the marriage.

So what do I do, take on the reality that my husband will never change and stay; or should I run? I know he heard that the truth needed to be out for the marriage to have a chance. I watched your video about F.O.B.A.D.s. If he does have a fear of being a disappointment, why would he be driven to an emotional and physical affair, porn, and self-love prior to the affair? Does this mean that he will be more likely to have an affair again as he is truly self-centered? How can I wrap my head around this to see if I can risk living my life with him?

I’m very angry and frustrated after the seventh “I promise this is everything” story. I am scared of what is next to come. This has caused me to have extreme anxiety and unable to have a quality of life. I need a straight answer to know if we are doomed or if we have a chance. Thank you again.



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