Q&A Is It Too Soon to Begin Having Sex Again?

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My husband's affair was a 4 year emotionally entangled affair that he says wasn't sexual. At discovery he wasn't sure he wanted our marriage anymore. He wanted to keep both of us, but I wasn't having that and asked him to move out. We've been separated for over 5 months now. During EMS Online he said he'd cut contact with the affair partner but they continued some contact for a while. He recently told me he's decided he doesn't want to end things with her but he sees how it has hurt me, he is going to end contact, and agreed to do Married for Life. We're living in different states now and will continue to for at least another 3 months, so I don't have much of a sense of safety or reassurance that I can in any way check and see if he's keeping his commitment. We have a few visits planned and I'm wondering if it's okay to have sex. Our sex life was never bad when we were together. We had sex frequently. What was missing was the emotional intimacy because he had withdrawn and was emotionally, verbally, and sometimes physically abusive. I'm afraid he may not end the affair. Are those good reasons not to have sex with him? Should I protect myself since his promise is new? Should I wait months until I feel sure the affair is really ended?



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No comment on any of the

No comment on any of the abuse? I would lead with that. This is about safety for the person who is or has been abused. But let’s just skip over that part because it’s too tough?
I pray this person is getting all the help they need to heal and to NOT be abused any longer.

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-D, Texas