Q&A Should My Wayward Spouse Find a New Career to Create Safety?

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Question: 

My wife had her affair with a patron of the restaurant she works at. He continues to be a patron there despite her asking him not to. She tells me when he comes in, states she ignores him, and avoids interactions with him. I've expressed to her repeatedly how that makes me uncomfortable and that I'm struggling with the daily reminder. I asked her to find a new job. She has declined that request. To me, it feels like she places more importance in her job than our marriage or the difficulties I have with that reminder or the discomfort with having to trust that the door has been closed (and the key thrown away). I want to be supportive and I know it has to be her choice. I'm finding it hard to feel safe when I feel like responsibility isn't being taken. She is however, doing many other things that are wonderful. So.. do I accept the choice and work harder to see the positives? Am I being unreasonable? Is this one of those unsolvable problems we shouldn't focus on?

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