Q&A Should we Discuss Her Resentments Toward me?

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Hi Rick, 

We have an intimacy problem. It has been 5 months since D-Day. I am the betrayed, and I am the one seeking real intimacy and sex. But she can't touch me and doesn't want me to touch her. Seems kinda backwards doesn't it? Every time I look at her my sexual emotions run wild. Sensuality oozes out of her body. But she doesn't love me after 15 years of marriage. According to you, if I am correct, there are 3 possible reasons why she can't connect with me even though she is trying. 


  1. she still has feelings for the AP. 
  2. Intimacy impairment
  3. resentment

It's not # 1 because she ended the affair on D-Day and says she does not have feelings for him anymore. I don't think its # 2 since she has been really engaged with our small group and Hope for Healing. I believe, along with our counselor, that she is struggling with a huge amount of resentment. The counselor suggested that we discuss her resentments towards me, and that we pray before each discussion. I agree and am willing, them even though we have circled this wagon many times before.  Here is my question. I suggested to my wife that she make a prioritized list of all the resentments she has for me from the time we met. And let's discuss them. Do you think this is a good idea? I am willing but she is reluctant to do so.



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