Q&A What Else Can I Do to Heal from the Triggers and Deep Grief?”

I am in my last week of EMS online and while the course has been very helpful, I am still really struggling with triggers and deep sorrow. I have been in therapy for the last 7 months, tried EMDR, read books on betrayal trauma, watched videos on Affair recovery, listened to all the AR podcasts, and have drawn closer to God but still feel broken beyond repair. I want to be close and intimate with my husband but it feels impossible without the pain of my triggers and comparing myself to the AP. I am consciously and emotionally making an effort to walk in forgiveness because I still love my husband, but I can’t help but feel that my love story has ended and I am now a supporting role in his love story of redemption and transformation. I know that I will heal but cannot see that whatever version of myself that comes out of these ashes would be an upgrade. It’s like I lost my legs and while I could walk again with prosthetics, they will never function like my own 2 legs would. I can’t find a version of our love story that feels more meaningful than the one I had before: Of being safe in a covenant marriage where no one else has the privilege of experiencing what is holy between us. Of feeling so special to be the only woman in the world who could experience my husband’s love, physical and emotional intimacy, and devotion. This is no longer true as the AP experienced my husband sexually, emotionally, and spiritually while he completely rejected and abandoned me for several months during his affair. He is doing the work to be a new creation in Christ and is now being the husband I have always wanted him to be, but it now feels tainted. The thought of Marriage 2.0 seems like a harm reduction approach after a catastrophe where there are only hard options. I would love to be able to conceptualize our love story in a way that doesn’t feel second rate, but for the life of me I cannot. I am planning on doing Harboring Hope next, but what else can I do to overcome these triggers and heal from this deep seated grief? Do you have any feedback on how I can see our love story as more than settling for the next best thing?