Blow Ups

Lynn discusses cleaning up the blow ups & learning to find hope in the process.

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Wow

Wow, Lyn, you get it! It is crappy and unfair. Stop the blow ups and start the clean up and it is in my court now.... as unfair as it seems and feels, to clean up and work on fixing something that you did not break, there really is no other way apart from walking away. Thankyou, this helped me immensely today.

so glad

I'm so glad you found this blog helpful. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment!

So good!!

This was so very very good. Thank you. I can hardly wait for the next blog. I am SO VERY THANKFUL for you. It helps me SO much to hear from another woman that has been in my shoes.

thank you!

I wish we didn't have to share these shows! But I'm glad we don't have to walk alone!

shoes - not shows!

shoes....

Thank you

Thank you for your perspective. I am 3 years out from DDay 1, 18 months out from dday2 in which the REAL truth was revealed, and 9 months from the last significant disclosure. I still have blow-ups and even after all this time, having trouble accepting that
This nightmare really happened. My husband had a 20 year on and off affair with the same woman from his work. A friend. Even after all the courses, individual therapy, and signs of my husband finally " getting it" and wanting the marriage, I feel worthless knowing that I, in my husbands eyes, was not worthy of faithfulness nor the truth when I begged him for it 3 years ago. We have been married almost 38 years and I can honestly say I do not know this man. I am angry that 20 years of my marriage and life are now impure and a big lie. How does one keep the blow ups from happening after all this? I so admire you for your candor and good advice. Maybe I just have much more grieving to do before I can stop the pain and hence the blow ups. Thank you for a good post.

Re: Thank you

Lynn- thank you so much for this very insightful and helpful blog. I am anxious to hear your next blog, as I am a year from 1st d-day and 7 months from the 2nd d-day where I learned the real truth. I feel that when you said those of us who are more down the road into recovery I am one of those and I feel like I am the one now who is preventing full recovery from taking place. My husband is trying and doing so much to change and heal, but I am still having trouble working through the pain. He was a sex addict for 28 years of our 36 year marriage and saw prostitutes for all those years. It is so very much for me to work through. Again, I am anxious to hear your next blog.
In this blog it was good for me to be reminded that in life bad things happen and even though it is horribly unfair, we all have to deal with bad things whether fair or not. Thank you, Lynn, so much for your wonderful insights and help.

Karen58 - I just want to tell you that I, too, am having to come to grips with the fact that for 28 years my life and marriage are a lie and tainted with this horrific reality. I, too, feel worthless and second best in my husband's eyes. I would like to send you a private message, if that would be ok? Or you can send one to me. I will try and figure out how to do that. Please know you are not alone and I would love to talk with you.

grateful

I am grateful and humbled to offer insight from my experience. So glad to hear your husband is working toward change. I am praying that he will allow you all the time you need to work through the years of deception. Patience and understanding from him would be a great gift to your progress in moving forward. Keep at it!

grace for you

My heart is aching for you tonight. You are worthy of faithfulness and I'm sorry you didn't receive it in your marriage. The sadness, anger, grieving and blow ups are part of the journey. What comes to my heart tonight is owning how you feel when you feel it. Pretending i was okay when I wasn't kept me stuck for 8 years. I wish I would have had the courage to be honest about my emotions. That being said, it might be helpful to dump all those feelings in a journal rather then blowing up at your spouse. I am praying for you tonight, especially praying that you will know when to speak up and when to let go. Keep processing. Keep moving forward.

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