Q&A When Will My Mate Feel Safe Again?

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My husband and I are 1 year 4 months out from his relapse and almost 2 years from the original affair. We have done a lot of work in recovery and while I do see significant progress, I cannot rid the feeling that he still wants her. There are many things leading me to feel this way. He can’t be there for me when things get hard on my end. When I get triggered it’s almost as if I’m undeserving of reassurance/support unless I approach him in a very specific, sensitive way. Sometimes this is possible, other times not. Lately, I have felt us getting closer and have told him that I have fantasies about him throughout the day and how much he turns me on. I barely get a response that seems sincere, but instead a forced ‘thank you’ and nothing else comes of it. Our sex is infrequent and lately it feels like he’s distracted, I fear over thoughts of her. I don’t feel wanted. I don’t feel cherished. I don’t feel like he will really be there for me when things get hard. I often wonder WHY he’s with me as he never says what he enjoys/appreciates things about me. I share my appreciations often but feel he still longs for the AP. When does this feeling go away? When will it not ‘feel’ like he’s doing things behind my back or wanting someone else? If this is abnormal, what can we do to improve? Thank you for everything.



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