Q&A When Will My Mate Finally Get It?

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Question: 

Our initial D-Day was December 2017 and my husband relapsed in 2018 from March to May. It was an extremely limerent affair and physical too. We’ve been married 31 years next month. We have both taken all of the Affair Recovery courses and weekend you offer. I can tell that he “gets it” completely in his head what he’s done to me by how he has written all of the empathy exercises but is unable to transfer that to his heart. He tries to move toward me when I’m triggered, but I know that it’s just an attempt to do the right thing but his heart is not present, nor remorseful. I know he has unforgiveness and resentments for having done many things to help my family over the years, even though they were joint decisions as well as holding against me how his family has cut me off for unintentionally offending them. I’ve tried several times to make amends over the years but once they cut you off, that’s it! And in fact, my husband has even cut me off, like his family, since he attached to his affair partner, even though he says he’s had no contact since May 2018. He goes through life like nothing happened but makes no real effort to re-attach to me emotionally or physically except to hold my hand or hold me when we go to sleep, but nothing else. His heart is cold and hard!! I’ve been doing EMDR, he’s done some counseling and we are starting couples counseling...FINALLY! When will he break; when will he get it?

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