Registration for EMS Online Opens Soon!
Spots fill up quickly, so you won't want to wait to register for our Emergency Marital Seminar Online. Better known as EMSO, this 13-week course has helped thousands of couples rebuild their relationships and restore their lives after infidelity.
The other day, I had someone reach out to me and say, "Sam, what are we to do now? How do we not, I hate to say it, end up like you?" I said, "Well, there are some things you can and should do in recovery." Today, I want to share some of those affair recovery steps with you, and I want to help you right where you're at.
I know this journey can be daunting and disorienting for some of you. I get that; I absolutely understand that. But there is hope for your...
Over the last decade in a half or so, I’ve been doing my own work and had the privilege of watching other people do their work as they heal from infidelity or addiction. During that time, I’ve come to the realization that, in many ways, our healing, our future and our personal restoration require the ownership of two things: our choices and our outcomes.
If I can’t own the choices that I’ve made, particularly as an unfaithful spouse, I’m not safe and I make myself a victim. If we can own our choices, we can own our consequences. And if we own our consequences, we become incredibly safe — both for ourselves and for the betrayed spouse. Alternatively, if I cannot own my choices, then I begin to push away my consequences and I begin to remain angry — even rageful and defensive — because I haven’t owned the fact that I, as an unfaithful, chose to have an...
Part 1: How Couples Can Promote Good Mental Health During and After the Pandemic Part 2: Mental Health and Parenting: How to Support Yourself and Your Kids
Last week, I kick-started the conversation on a really important topic for couples and individuals, both during the COVID-19 pandemic and any time: mental health. I covered depression, anxiety and isolation — among many other topics — and ways to work toward better mental health. If you weren't able to join me last week, I hope you'll check out the article and video here.
Today, I'm excited to continue the conversation that I had with Jeremy Edelen,...
Today, I want to talk to you about a major turning point that happens in all of our lives. This turning point is going to challenge some of you, and it's OK to be challenged in your affair recovery timeline. This turning point is the day when we hold ourselves accountable for our own healing. When I made the shift and began to hold myself accountable for my own recovery, it changed my life, it changed my healing and it changed my heart. At the core of personal recovery work, regardless of what you're going through, is self-responsibility.
When I stopped blaming and fixating on other people, it set me free to be able to go, I am responsible for my own healing and:
-Big Announcement-
EMS Weekend Is Back in Person!
Everyone has been asking and the time has come! EMS Weekend is finally back in person! Spots...
Have you ever been so frustrated because you couldn't get your mate to think, feel or act how you wanted them to? Have you ever hit that point in affair recovery where you so desperately wanted to get your loved one to do something, see something, and you just couldn't?
While recovering after an affair, we can become such control freaks when we try to get someone to experience something as we would. In these moments, our frustration can be off the charts.
In unfaithful spouse recovery, it can look like this: Why won't they forgive me? Why can't they see that I'm remorseful? Why can't they see how hard I'm working? How can I get them to see what I so desperately want them to see?
In betrayed spouse recovery, it can look like this: Why can't they do their work? Why can't they be remorseful and empathetic? Why won't they re-engage?
If you've...
Today, I’m thrilled to announce registration is NOW OPEN for our 4th annual Hope Rising Conference for Betrayed Spouses. I know this past year was an especially hard one for couples, particularly those healing from infidelity. If you're the betrayed spouse, I invite you to do something restorative for yourself by joining our one-day virtual event. If you’re the wayward spouse, consider giving the gift of Hope Rising to your mate. At this conference, they’ll gain invaluable guidance, information and inspiration as they continue their journey to wholeness.
Our Hope Rising Conference speakers have all experienced infidelity. They’ve all done the work, and they’re all proof that you can survive and thrive after infidelity...
In life and in infidelity recovery, there are seasons. Whether you're recovering from infidelity pain as an individual or as a couple, some of these seasons are going to be incredibly challenging. I'm sorry to tell you, there's no way around them. But there is some good news: Seasons don't last forever. And while you will experience days of agony, you'll also experience good days; days where you may take some deeper breaths and say: "It feels good to hope. We had a great day."
Like with weather seasons, we have to make adjustments and embrace the recovery season we're in. Unlike with weather seasons, we actually have some control over infidelity recovery seasons. We can lengthen or shorten these periods of pain. And if you use these seasons right, they can be absolutely transformational. Today, I'm sharing how to use seasons to your advantage when recovering from infidelity pain.
In Week 11 of EMS Online, our couples must face a difficult truth: Relapse is a common part of infidelity recovery. But just because it's common doesn't mean couples have to sit back and accept relapse, and all of its pain and difficulty, as an inevitability.
After a betrayal, I encourage both mates to identify high-risk situations and come up with a plan — together — for how they'll tackle them. And, it probably comes as no surprise, traveling is one of the most high-risk situations for wayward mates in recovery. That's why I recommend wayward mates, whenever they're going to be away from home for an extended period of time, to create a travel plan.
For the wayward mate, a relapse reveals all their places of pride, weak motivation and unwillingness to do whatever's necessary to recover. But relapse can also be a primary motivator for them to take the steps to...
At Affair Recovery, it’s our mission to restore those in crisis to extraordinary lives of meaning and purpose. One of the ways we’ve been doing that for decades is through our research-based courses and programs, which include EMS Weekend, EMS Online, Hope for Healing and Harboring Hope. Nevertheless, we deeply understand that like how no two people are the same, no two infidelity situations are the same. That’s why, in addition to regularly updating and elevating our courses and programs, we make time to answer your unique questions.
Through the Expert Q...
