Happiness only comes when you open the door to pain. You simply can't have one without the other. As a betrayed spouse, I know this all too well.
I've learned to live with what happened to me. It's become a part of my history, something profound that I went through. This brokenness has become a part of me, one that's interwoven with the fabric of my life story. This revelation is what I think they call "acceptance."
It hasn't come without truckloads of pain: messy, dark, catastrophic and heart-shattering pain. I opened the door to this pain because I know, deep down to my toes, it's the only way through the devastation of intimate betrayal.
Acceptance. It's the final stage of grief in the five-part model developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross; however, her co-author and colleague, David Kessler, got permission from...
Cover more ground faster with the life-changing experience of EMS Weekend for couples.
Click here to see Rick and Wayne's videos at the bottom as they share more about this virtual experience.
This is not your average light and fluffy program that only scratches the surface. Up front, it's important to know that we won't shame the unfaithful spouse nor blame the betrayed spouse. This 3 day intensive is a safe place for both of you to heal. Now offering $1,000 discount for virtual months during the pandemic. Limited availability.
Click here to read testimonials of others who have experienced this transformative weekend first hand.
Please note: This article's purpose is not to diagnose the reader or their spouse as having a disorder, and it is not...
Do you know the signs of a social media affair (a.k.a. online affair)?
This article was released originally on August 26, 2015 shortly after recent developments surrounding the Ashley Madison Breach. I felt it timely to reacquaint us all on social media affairs and signs of them.
The fact that 81% of the nation's top divorce attorneys say they have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence during the past five years, creates more than enough concern that we're heading in the wrong direction. A 2010 survey of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers reveals the growing magnitude of this problem and its widespread effects.
Consider joining Hope for Healing where you'll find community for isolation and healing for shame —and that's just the beginning.
It...
Harboring Hope registration opens monthly. Subscribe to be notified. Harboring Hope is our online course for betrayed spouses to heal after infidelity. It often sells out within a few short hours. Don't miss it!
Secretly reading your mate's journal or recovery materials won't reveal the truth and will actually delay your recovery from infidelity. However appealing it may be, and while it may feel empowering, it only complicates recovery and delays true momentum.
Have you ever read your...
significant
adjective
Important; of consequence. Having or expressing a meaning.
Statistics - of or relating to observations that are unlikely to occur by chance and that therefore indicate a systematic cause.
The significance of the choice to have an affair cannot be understated. Until and unless...
Most of us who have experienced betrayal have, at least for a season, anger as our front seat driver.
But who is riding in the back seat fueling that angry driver? Fear? Frustration? Betrayal, Sadness? Loneliness?
Once I uncovered loneliness and injustice as two of my backseat driver emotions, I've discovered that loneliness and injustice was part of my childhood when I struggled to be the 'good child' as my parents were trying their best to handle a difficult son, my only sibling.
More damaging than that was my mother's very natural tendency to worry about me. Would I go down the same path as my ne'er-do-well brother? Would I stay out late? Lie and sneak?
Of course, I knew that was not part of my character. Hey—I was the 'good child'. I earned good grades, flew under the radar of the drug culture of my high school. I was not interested. I found those sorts of choices scary, even repugnant. I...
Part 1: Difficulties with Intimacy Part 2: Difficulties with Intimacy for the Betrayed Part 3: Difficulties with Intimacy for the Unfaithful
For the couple who is trying to heal from infidelity, the marriage bed can seem like an untouchable desert full of confusion, despair, and uncertainty. The unfaithful spouse can find him or herself guilt-ridden, almost paralyzed by shame and self-hatred, wondering if they should even try to initiate sexual intimacy with their significant other. For several decades, I've walked alongside unfaithful spouses who try to do this right, and I've observed that it often feels chaotic and like they're taking one step forward two steps back.
It doesn't have to be this way...
For couples devastated by infidelity, the marriage bed can seem like an untouchable subject, if not absolutely taboo. From comparisons to the affair partner to triggers and reminders or unhelpful and incompetent advice, it can seem impossible to find your way through.
Where do you turn when you feel overwhelmed by sadness, grief, and fear as it relates to sexuality and reclaiming the marriage bed? Who can you trust? Whose advice can you seek?
Speaking from experience, I implore you to run to trained professionals who have navigated this road and healed. Run to...
If you're the betrayed spouse, I want to invite you to our 3rd Annual Hope Rising Conference, (now Virtual!) where speakers will speak into your specific situation of infidelity and help guide you through the recovery process. It's not as hopeless as you think.
Sign Up Now!
"It is possible to get to the point where you don't think about this every day. Where you're not triggered, and you can begin to believe the best again." – Samantha, Hope Rising 2019 Speaker
We are excited...
Part 1: What Do You Need to Know? Part 2: Poor Recovery Decisions of Unfaithful Spouses
Hope for Healing registration opens monthly. Subscribe to be notified. This online course for unfaithful spouses fills up quickly, so don't wait! Discover how a supportive non-judgmental environment paired with expert content can provide life-changing hope, clarity, and healing.
In a past survey of Affair Recovery readers, unfaithful spouses identified certain recovery decisions that proved to be unproductive or even harmful.
