Has he not cheated after those 12 years? Is he still lying to you about things? We’ve been married 33 years and discovered the affair 3 1/2 years ago and he’s been a perfect husband since then but I still don’t trust him, probably never will. Are you trusting him now?

I know the feeling 52 years of marriage wish I could take away your pain but as you know it never goes away
God bless

He told me Dec. 2017. Had to, my 62yo spouse was going to be a daddy again with his 27 yo employee. I too get intrusive thoughts almost daily. I want it to stop. I have taken HH. How to make it stop?

It was June 2019 when I accidently came across love texts from my husband to a 30 year old co worker. A husband of 44 years. Same exact thing. Words of love. How much he missed her. This emotional affair went on for 5-12 years.
I had no idea. But now I understand how the last five years were miserable. How he treated me, no words of love to me because he was giving them to her. He ended it, but the damage has been done.
Since d day he has been trying to be the perfect husband, but he has ruined any trust I had. His words to me dont really mean anything like they did many years ago.
To say those words to another woman and then expect those words to mean the same thing to me is a joke.
I wake up every day with those love words to her in my mind.

That’s is me,
Need advice

My psychologist taught me a thought stopping exercise I used over and over again to help me not to think about the affair several times a day. I realized that I was living my life in the past by thinking about it constantly and it was causing me so much pain. So I learned how to be present minded and stopped those thoughts as soon as I recognized that my mind was slipping back into the past. The exercise involves: gently biting my tongue and closing my eyes then imaging a memory, a very strong memory that brings me security and comfort and for me its me laying my head in my husbands lap while laying on the couch im looking up at him and he is looking down at me and he's smiling at me in such a way that I know and feel %100 sure that he loves me then I imagine letters forming right next to us one letter at a time spelling happiness. I imagine the letters very clearly and I even imagine them lighting up and sparkling then I open my eyes and abruptly change my thought to something else, if I slipped back into the thought a few minutes later I would repeat the exercise again. After a few weeks of consistently practicing this exercise with every affair related thought I started to notice this was helping and eventually after doing it for months I found I was going a day or sometimes days without thinking about the affair and now 2.5 years later I can go up to a month or more and when the thought does come into my head I can say now I no longer feel the pain that i used to feel. I thought the agonizing emotional pain would never go away but it has and I had to do a lot of work with my CBT psychologist to finally get to this point. The affair changed the way I experience the world forever but I went though the difficult steps of changing myself to get my life back and now I can say I really do have my life back. It is possible, it happened for me.