Is My Spouse a Sex Addict? Signs, Hope and What to Do Next with Matt Wenger

Attempting to make sense of the affair is  painfully confusing – especially when there are signs of sexual addiction. In Episode 19, Matt Wenger, Clinical Director at the Begin Again Institute, joins the podcast to explain how sex addiction looks different from other types of infidelity and what must be present for true recovery to occur within the addict. Matt shares a message that every betrayed spouse needs to hear: This is not your fault, your skepticism is protecting you, and you don't have to settle for anything less than a whole, authentic relationship. 

Matt is the Executive Clinical Director of Begin Again Institute, a treatment center that offers 14-day Trauma Based Intensives for Men seeking recovery from porn and sex addiction. Begin Again Institute also offers intensives for Betrayed Partners. He has served more than 1,500 families in that setting since 2019. Matt’s expertise is in men’s addiction, betrayal trauma, childhood trauma, couple’s recovery and the spiritual aspects of recovery. Matt holds a Master’s degree in Couples and Family Counseling and is credentialed as Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT), and Certified Clinical Partner Specialist (CCPS). Matt lives near Boulder, Colorado and enjoys spending time with his family, friends and being in nature. 

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I would highly recommend giving this a try.
 
-D, Texas
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Submitted by Karin T (not verified) on 1 month 2 weeks

I really like this episode. Thank you. For a next episode I would like you to talk about the difference between long affairs and regular affairs. My husband of 39 years had a 9 months affair 19 years ago and after that a 17 years long affair. I discovered both 10 months ago (that is why he ended it)The affairs were with women living in a different country so he didn’t see them often, 3-4 times per year when traveling for work, and sometimes even less, they were married too. For me recovery it is difficult because even when he is really doing the work, and he is being all I could have hope for, I just can’t pass the fact that he kept lying to me for 19 years and everything we did together was under the assumption that we were there for each other. He really deceived me and I really believed that we were almost perfect together. My question is, in your experience, how the length of the affair affects recovery

Submitted by Lea_AR on 1 month 1 week

I'm so sorry for the pain this has caused you. As a betrayed spouse myself, I can certainly relate. You've brought up a great question and I will forward it on to our content team. Thank you for being here.

Submitted by Diana O (not verified) on 1 month 2 weeks

We are coming off a virtual EMS weekend and received an email to watch episode 19, which talks about sexual addiction. My husband had a 2 year porn addiction and a 1 year emotional affair that he attempted to turn physical on several occasions. He’s stopped using porn on his own (about 2 months ago), and ended the emotional affair. He now suffers from ED. He believes we can rebuild on our own after the EMS weekend. I’m concerned that he’s not dealing with underlying issues from his childhood. Is it possible to heal on your own? He is 67 and I can see struggles in him that I’ve ignored for 40 years. It scares me, about what might be ahead without additional help.

Submitted by Lea_AR on 1 month 1 week

I understand your concern and it's valid. Both in my experience here at AR as well as personally in my own life, addiction of any kind requires professional help. While there can always be exceptions, they are just that - exceptions. Everyone things they'll be the exception, but that is often just denial talking. I would encourage you to work with a therapist who is trained in treating addiction, especially sexual addiction. It can make all the difference.

Submitted by Linda20 (not verified) on 1 month

I really appreciate this episode. Thank you. I have followed you off and on for six years and never saw much on sexual addiction. Discussions in this episode are helping me to finally make sense of what has happened and perhaps understand what was causing my husband's sexual addiction. Things I've never read or been told about sexual addiction. Thank you. That being said, I came home to find my sex addict husband of 30 years had committed suicide after he realized I just had another Dday. When I left the house earlier that morning, he didn't know that I found out. I thought he had been clean since 2020. So I'm in my own process of wrapping my head around it all. Anyway, thank you for this episode.

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