Q&A How do We Heal When We Were Both Unfaithful?

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Question: 

Hi Rick,

We attended EMS recently and both of us were unfaithful and betrayed. We certainly want to continue on & gain healing/deal with issues, however, that's not happening at this point. “Trusting the process” only takes us so far when setbacks are happening. We keep ending up in “setback” situations, without growing from them or gaining any actual ground.

Writing letters & answering homework questions in a public forum is not creating intimacy in our marriage, and we feel guarded & certainly not freer to air out our laundry among the group. There are things my husband & I discuss with each other & in the presence of our therapist that we just wouldn't share in a group setting. Same goes for couples in our group. Knowing every detail/process that others are struggling with just isn't forward progress, for us. Don't get us wrong, it was helpful meeting other couples going through the same thing we are, and we really wish we had more time to do that sort of thing. We had some great conversations with some of the other couples while we were there & have stayed in contact with them. We wish there could have been more time for that.

What would your suggestion be for us, proceeding from here? We have not been on the call for 2 weeks now. Last week was the letter writing/empathy exercise. We will be discussing this week’s homework with each other, doing the exercises together.

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