Q&A What do I do With a New Discovery About my Husband's Behavior?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.


My husband and I attended EMS Weekend in March 2014 after discovery. He said it was a 3 year emotional affair and said he loved me but was not in love with me. After returning home we continued with weekly homework for about a month until he explained it was too painful for him to listen to the other couple’s pain. We learned at EMS Weekend he is an Adult Child of an Alcoholic. I have since learned I am too. After the month of doing weekly calls with our group, we did homework ourselves for several weeks. Then he said he needed to work on himself first. In August he discovered our daughter knew of his infidelity. At this point he moved out and said he could not cause her pain by his being here. We have been in therapy weekly since but going individually.

Today I not only discovered the affair is still going on but that it was a 6 year full blown physical and emotional affair. His AP has been separated since June from her husband and is in divorce process. My husband says he wants to work on our marriage and for the first time go to counseling together. He says he has contacted the AP to sever the relationship. Still he says he is not in love with me but loves me. He doesn’t believe he knows what love is. He says he does not want to be with the AP and if that were the case he would have divorced me a long time ago.

This is ridiculous. We have been reading “Boundaries” and I have been slowly building healthy boundaries for myself. I have also just finished the Harboring Hope program. What do I do with this new revelation? How much rejection does one person have to put up with? Is it time to move forward? I feel the only reason he is upset is because he got caught again and finally the whole truth is out. Please help me.



RL_Media Type: 

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas