I am in such a state of pretend normal that I am a pro. My husband, the unfaithful, thinks we are "great" and I am devastated. We are 7 months out from the last of multiple major discoveries. I have a very hard time talking to my husband about all of this because of his lack of empathy and huge display of defense. Almost 100% of the time when a conversation dealing with his affairs has ended it has not ended well and I am left feeling hopeless and hurt more than ever. Therefore, I don't bring it up very often and he thinks life is grand. I don't think life is grand.How do I pull myself out of this pretend normal and open the door to the reality we are in? We have 3 small children and do not talk about the affairs in front of them. I want to heal, I want him to heal, I want us to heal and I know it just won't go away on it's own. He has told me that he won't bring up the affairs, so if I want to talk about it, it is on me and I have to bring it up to him.