Q&A How Do I Find Balance between Healing Myself and Healing Our Relationship?

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Question: 

My wife and I have been married for 49 years and 10 months ago I found out that she had had four affairs during our time together. My question is; how do I find balance between healing myself and healing our relationship? I have always believed it was my job to please her, make her happy and be the provider of our family. Since beginning Harboring Hope, I've found that my wife is codependent and expects me to sacrifice my individual happiness for her happiness. That has led to her controlling attitude and somewhat spoiled expectations of our marriage. When I wouldn't meet her "needs" she went outside the marriage for validation from other men. Hence, my dilemma. Where is the balance between healing and saving the marriage?

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