Infidelity or Addiction Requires an Entirely New Playbook: Hope for Those in Crisis Due to Infidelity

Samuel discusses long term vision for couples trying to heal from infidelity and addiction.

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Samuel please help me

I'm the unfaithful female spouse. Please help me, I really struggling to forgive myself. Some days I am okay but this week I have been in shambles very single day. How do I begin to forgive myself? It's been 1 year out since d-day and I still struggle with depression and anger. I think these things stem from my own actions and also me feeling as if I'm not good enough anymore. How can I deal with this depression and anger? If I don't control these issues it will destroy my relationship and me. I can't live with myself hurting this much and I can't live with myself being angry 24/7. Please help me, I've been to see a local counselor that claims to specialize in relationships, but this counselor has never been through infidelity. What are some tips you could give me to help decrease my anger?

a few thoughts...

for starters, it's vital you deal with shame.  this series will help on our site: https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/infidelity-recovery-understanding-the-paralysis-of-shame

I would also read what you can by brene brown on shame as she's excellent on that topic and moving towards forgiveness.  

radical forgiveness  may be another book to consider by colin tipping

i would also consider our hope for healing course on our site as it will take you through an expert driven

curriculum towards self forgiveness as well:  https://www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing

Please help

My husband has been on and off, but mostly on, with his affair partner for almost 2 years. Original D-Day was a year ago. There have been at least 8 relapses so far, with him saying he's staying with me and our kids/affair is over, then starting back up with her, and back and forth. He is saying he is not currently seeing her, but he wants to leave and be with her. I am deeply in love with him, and desperately want him to stay. We've been married for 28 years, since we were 18 and 20 years old. He has always been an amazing husband and father, until recently. Keeping his kids from devastating emotional pain isn't enough to make him stay and try anymore. He says he doesn't want to get help, doesn't think he needs it. Is there anything you can think of to help? Was your story like this? I keep hoping something will get through to him.