Q&A How Do I Heal When My Husband Gets So Angry?

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We've done EMS weekend and I'm doing HH. My husband readily admits that the affairs are his fault and I'm not to blame. However, when we discuss the affairs, he sometimes gets very angry, throws and kicks objects nearby. He's never aims them at me, nor hit me, but I still feel the anger is directed towards me. When he gets to this point, there is no discussion nor clarification because his mind is consumed by anger. I don't know how much the anger is based on his shame and how much is based on his hurt about the state of our marriage before D-Day, as in "I tried to tell you...!", "Our marriage was crappy!", "You were a b***!." When I tried to tell him my hurt, as in, "I show love by doing things for people, so I felt hurt when you did this for her because I interpreted that as love.", he would come back with an instance when he felt hurt by my actions before D-Day. This leaves me to feel unheard, yet I am afraid to say more because discussing pre D-Day issues sends him into rage mode. He feels we are doing well, but I feel I'm spinning in circles and feeling hopeless because he dictates the what, when, and how long we can discuss the affairs. I'm at a loss of what to do to heal from this.



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