Q&A How Do I Set Effective Boundaries as Someone Who Is Conflict Avoidant?

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Question: 

I’ve been to EMS Weekend with my husband and we’ve completed Married for Life as well. I am enrolled in Harboring Hope and 12-Step group for codependency. I’m finding my voice and mentioned how I was not ok with my husband watching TV at 1:30am and also opening my mail and signing/submitting legal documents to his attorney on my behalf about his character for a recent car accident he was in. It seems that when I try to say how I feel, I often get attacked and he turns the tables and shifts the focus to me. I feel emotionally abused because my husband says he wants intimacy, but when I attempt to give it, he manipulates it when he doesn’t like that I’m saying. I don’t feel emotionally safe at all and I’m about ready to call it quits as I’m feeling I’m losing my dignity by continuing to feel controlled, disrespected, and manipulated. I don’t feel comfortable moving forward in my marriage when my husband has these character/integrity issues. He doesn’t accept responsibility, only deflects and points out my faults when I try to address a problem. How do I continue this as a conflict avoider if I feel I’m being manipulated to back down when I stand up for myself and say that’s not ok? I’m so crushed by this.

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