Q&A Is my loneliness an excuse to hold onto our marriage?

My wife has been gone for about six years. We have communicated over that time (lives with her AP sugar daddy) but I have lost hope; but the loneliness is destroying me.

After thirty nine years of marriage, and thirty acts of unfaithfulness (her count); taking her back over and over; I forgave her so many times (there were many good times, when I was unaware of yet another affair). 
An AP told me she once said to him that “she kept _ _ _ _ (me) around for the money”; About two years ago she told me: “You made a mistake when you married me, I'm a whore”. She has always blamed me. I struggle each day with the hurt, her dishonesty, the rejection, etc. I still can't believe she is not coming back, after all I have tried to do (Love Languages, . I know I need to totally forgive, to be forgiven; Matthew 6:14; Matthew 18:22.

My heart has been destroyed; I know I must move on; loneliness is the only emotion I have left. 
I am beginning to think that my loneliness is just an excuse, to hold onto our marriage?