Q&A Is There Any Reason to Still Be Here?

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My husband has been involved in an emotionally and physically entangled affair for a little over a year. It has been an on again off again type of thing but the longest they have gone without contact is 3 weeks. Just recently, he says he is cutting off contact to "try and see" if it’s even possible for us to work on things. He said he has written himself and her a letter, removed reminders, and he will check in with me twice a week to let me know if there’s been contact and his feelings, status etc. He is planning to talk to a counselor and a pastor. He says he will not put up any physical boundaries (blocking her, changing phone numbers etc.) because he would find a way to get around them just for the challenge of doing so and he is constantly telling me how it’s going to be difficult for him because of his feelings for her and how he wants to be with her but he is trying to do what is right. He is also connected to her through work in an optional board position that he could easily step down from but refuses to do so. Even typing all of this out makes me think...what am I still doing here trying for this guy?? Do I accept his tiny step toward ending his affair or do I demand more? I know this process takes time and I have 4 young children to think about as well. He says that I'm asking for too much too soon and that moving forward we both will have to work and no one should have the "upper hand." I feel like we are here because of his choices and he has a lot to prove...which gives me a little bit of an upper hand here. I'm really angry that he doesn't seem to care and this is all about him and his "feelings".



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