Q&A Was His Behavior Typical of Someone in an Affair?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.


My husband acted like a monster in the 2 months before and during his 4-month affair. He was cruel, vicious and venomous morning to night and set on punishing me every way he could (i.e. hiding a video camera during sex to show me "how cold and distant" his face was etc). It was devastating. After I caught him, he immediately ended the affair and gradually stopped raging, and in the last month (3 months post D-Day) he has snapped back to himself and is so remorseful he weeps and says he can't believe any of his actions, saying "he wasn't himself". Was his behavior typical of an affair because of compartmentalization? His psychiatrist thinks he had a mental (psychotic) breakdown, and our marriage counsellor independently said he "cracked", saying the level of rage was too extreme and would not be consistent with typical cheating behavior. But I don't know whether or not to trust their assessments, or if I should attribute this to him vilifying/monstrosifying me to justify his actions. I know many spouses think their husbands have mental issues while they are cheating, and I almost feel the therapists are trying to give him some "get out of jail free" card. What do you think? He never had "mental issues" before this, although friends and family remarked on his "crazy", manic behavior during the affair.



RL_Media Type: 

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas