Q&A What Are Your Thoughts about Our Dilemma?

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Question: 

I am currently on the 4th week of Harboring Hope and about 14 month from D-Day. I am still dealing with a tremendous amount of trauma and insecurities issues. Especially with self-worth and I know I need to do a lot of individual self-healing. The affair has created an extreme amount of pain for me. I have been with my spouse for 14 years and only been married since July 2017. My spouse started the affair a month before our wedding, when we got married and following our marriage. I just cannot believe she betrayed me during a time where it’s supposed to be about us. She gave me her vows while she was cheating on me. We have no children. I want to come to a place where I can decide what I want to do with our relationship but I don’t know what that place looks like. How do I know when I am healthy enough to make a decision to stay or move on? Should I feel no pain, sadness, or anger? Should my mind be at peace? I just don’t know what to expect and what is the definition of being healthy to make such a decision. Also, I feel like part of my healing is being stunted because we are legally still married however I truly believe our wedding isn’t even legitimate due to the nature of the timing of the infidelity and the fact that when I give her my vows, I did not have all the information. I ask my spouse that we should get a divorce so that I can start to let go of the past and trauma because currently me knowing that our wedding was built off of lies right from the get go is bringing me a lot of past pains. She’s been reluctant to give in to my request. Where do you guys stand on our dilemma?

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