Q&A What Can You make of All This?

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Question: 

I’m a former career woman, turned homeschooling SAHM. My husband cut off his affair with a co-worker 6 months ago and returned home with promises to work on the marriage after 3 months of being out. AP is done with him and back with her husband. However, my husband won't follow through on marriage counseling. He's angry at me a lot!, seems incapable of empathy, and wallows in self-pity. He claims he wants a divorce but will not file and will not move out. Claims he doesn't love me and how we have different values. Claims I had my" own affair" with our little boys. He has lost all his friends, wants nothing to do with God and blames me and his parents for his "formation" His father was not affectionate, his first wife cheated on him. He has been involved in porn -although- I don't think he is an addict. Claims to have finally become his "new self" I have no access to his bank account. No family remotely close. We have two little boys and this is so not fair to them. What do you make of this? Trauma, Porn, Midlife crisis, or just plain ole sin? Mental illness? How does a person turn into this? And how, as the wife, did I miss this? I want to understand so badly. People tell me to stop trying...but I feel that if I can wrap my mind around this a bit, It will help me toward healing. This all hit me so hard I could barely function...Finally, at 11 months past D-Day, I'm finally on the upswing emotionally.

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