Q&A What Does Accepting My Sex and Validation Addicted Spouse's Infidelity Look Like?

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I’m in Week 8 of HH, and so far my most salient takeaway is prayerfully considering the question, “Should I stay or go?” I appreciated your wise and thoughtful response to my recent submission regarding this “ultimate question.” You said: I shouldn’t stay out of mere obligation, but shouldn’t leave out of mere resentment. My husband and I are certain he is a validation addict, and that this has been his primary driver for his lifetime of manipulation, grooming behaviors, and deceit. He has begun seeing a psychologist for help, but I wonder about the chances one can actually overcome such a problem, which seems like a severe character deficiency. I’m not certain I can ever trust him again after the devastation of discovering his 27 years of infidelity in our marriage, driven by these behaviors. Can you speak to the co-occurrence of validation addiction with infidelity? Is recovery from this addiction realistic? Week 7 of HH identifies seeking to understand the why of betrayal as an obstacle to forgiveness, especially in the case of addictions. You encourage the betrayed spouses of addicts to achieve forgiveness by accepting, rather than seeking to understand. What do you mean by this? Surely acceptance isn’t excusing or forgetting or pretending everything is OK; but it couldn’t be as simple as just believing the behaviors happened, either. What does accepting my sex and validation addicted spouse's infidelity look like?



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