Months later, I found out that my UH has been acting out for years. This early question was such a minor part of my affair recovery journey. Only after a polygraph 4 months later, did so many more layers of deception come into the light of day. Pornography, bar pickups, Ashley Madison account for 11+ years, affairs with acquaintances and friends, and what else has not been exposed yet in this infidelity journey, IDK. I understand that I need to find my own healing. I’m being exposed to a world I didn’t want an education in. I’m spending time in retirement learning about sex addiction and affair recovery. I’m spending retirement money trying to find healing and understanding for this pain I am feeling. I’m communicating with other spouses going through this infidelity pain. I’m learning that others have journeys that are just as painful. I’m seeing that there are so many strong women who are also struggling with understanding how the spouse they vowed to love, honor and cherish could also cheat multiple times and treat them like they didn’t even exist. How do you find your way out of this unbelievable pain? How do you get to a place of finding the hope that one day you can learn to really laugh and love once again? It’s a place where none of us betrayed spouses thought we would ever be exposed to when we said our marriage vows. I’m understanding that I need to find my own way to heal from this pain of infidelity. May we all learn from each other. May we all gain strength from each other going through this difficult journey.

Months later, I found out that my UH has been acting out for years. This early question was such a minor part of my affair recovery journey. Only after a polygraph 4 months later, did so many more layers of deception come into the light of day. Pornography, bar pickups, Ashley Madison account for 11+ years, affairs with acquaintances and friends, and what else has not been exposed yet in this infidelity journey, IDK. I understand that I need to find my own healing. I’m being exposed to a world I didn’t want an education in. I’m spending time in retirement learning about sex addiction and affair recovery. I’m spending retirement money trying to find healing and understanding for this pain I am feeling. I’m communicating with other spouses going through this infidelity pain. I’m learning that others have journeys that are just as painful. I’m seeing that there are so many strong women who are also struggling with understanding how the spouse they vowed to love, honor and cherish could also cheat multiple times and treat them like they didn’t even exist. How do you find your way out of this unbelievable pain? How do you get to a place of finding the hope that one day you can learn to really laugh and love once again? It’s a place where none of us betrayed spouses thought we would ever be exposed to when we said our marriage vows. I’m understanding that I need to find my own way to heal from this pain of infidelity. May we all learn from each other. May we all gain strength from each other going through this difficult journey.