Q&A Am I Expecting Too Much from My Wayward Spouse?

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Question: 

It’s been 10 months since the first discovery. My husband has completed EMS Online and goes to a counselor twice a month. He thinks he is doing well. I expect more. I’ve asked him on many occasions to get an accountability partner, he has started a couple marriage books at the beginning that he never finished, he has not finished a letter he promised to do and told his counselor he’d do about exploring “why” he thinks he cheated because it’s something I have requested. He’s not very introspective. He said he assumed he didn’t have to do it at this point because he has listed a few reasons in conversation. I’m not happy with a list. I want some real thought put into it. He makes comments like, “ you think I should just walk up to some guy I don’t know and tell him I cheated on my wife??” Rather than working to find one. He is a very driven person who figures things out. He has a leader type personality when it comes to work and making things happen. Why isn’t he taking as much effort in completing these goals as he would other goals in his life that would make him money? Am I trying to control his recovery? Should I let it go and just wait on him to decide to do it? He thinks I’m just being negative and not noticing his good things he is doing. I don’t think it’s my job right now to affirm him. He needs to have his own motivation to do these things. Am I expecting too much out of someone who has had multiple affairs? I feel I’m having to settle. What do I do?

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