Q&A Are My Boundaries for My Spouse Unreasonable?

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My partner feels like we have "stricter rules" in recovery than other couples or that I expect more of him than other betrayed spoused do. I find it hard to imagine that we can know that with certainty. I also find it unhelpful to compare. I don't want to punish or blame him, but we have had a very difficult recovery journey with lies, multiple d-days and ambivalence. He feels like I am making false judgements about what safety should look like. Some of our agreements included not looking at pictures of women and looking away from women in public. He also claimes trying to keep even professional contact with women to a minimum has made him a worse worker. Or that he has to text me so much when he is at work. All those things have made me feel more safe. But I don't want him to be unhappy. At the same time I find it dangerous to assume, that simply stopping to avoid women or having to check in less with me would solve all of our and his issues. Do you have any insights? Am I being unreasonable?



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