Q&A As the Betrayed, How Do I Stop Obsessing About the Affair Partner?

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Question: 

I am the betrayed, and obsessed with my husband’s affair partner. I know it is my own pride and vanity, but I cannot get her out of my mind. I hate that she seems to have experienced no repercussions, I hate that she is younger, I hate how she seems to have taken away so much power. My husband says that she does not compare to me physically, and I do not feel like she is more beautiful, more kind, or more accomplished than I am. However, he said it was his lust for her that caused him to stray. It has only been 8 weeks since D-Day, but how do I stop obsessing over her and stop letting her continue to have this strong power over me? I can’t even look at my husband with anything but contempt because all I see is him and her.

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Why not know?

Why are you advising we not know about the 'Other'?
Why not know who she is?
He loved her ..... deeply, foolishly, yes ... but well.
He didn't love you.

So why not know her... it may help you understand.

She's a nurse now. She used to be a prostitute. He fell in love with her, because of her joy. She loved the records he love, the music, the movies;

He loved Vaughan Williams, Jean Michel Jarre, it changes
She loved what he liked was nice but she never heard of them.

He loved The Quiet Man and Local Hero and the Omega Man and the Hunt for Red October.
She didn't watch a lot of movies.

They shared the images of the posters of the movies... but she never created any.
What did she like? She like the money he paid and deprived us of.

He like her smile. She said "You're lovely and kind" on his birthday and gave hime a bar of chocolate.

I gave him my life. It is now gone.

When you give someone YOU.... and they chuck you for another ... anyone, no matter how good, bad or "professional" ... you never get yourself back.

Till the day I die... the words Alexandra Christine Anderson - Annie - will never leave me. My soul is written on the sky as Second to Annie. God knows he created Annie to fulfil him in a way I never can. My grave will bear the name of Annie...all I am in the future will be because of her... and him.

I will never leave her behind. She walks, lives, breathes. When she has children - no doubt they will live in peace,

When I sleep from exhaustion ... I wake .... for a moment it is still in my heart and then the coursing pain rushes in ... consuming everything in its path like a tsunami .... pain washes over me perpetually. Panic, panic, panic... breathe ....

She walks the world free. She who took money to pleasure him. She who whispered and held the hand of the man I loved. She who stole my life, my future, my family, my identity. She walks free.

He is tortured. I suspect.

I am broken - Humpty, Dumpty-ish. Cant be redone.

If I had a tube of superglue and the option of patching myself up or closing her eyes forever... I would not hesitate to ensure her life was dark forever.

Obsessed. Maybe.
Human. Totally.
Where are you Jesus... who used to walk before me... did you go where they went together? Were you there when their flesh touched? Did you cry like I do know. Do you ache and find it hard to breathe? Did you obsess over it?

Did you?
Did you?

Did YOU let it go? Jesus?

Why not know?

Why are you advising we not know about the 'Other'?
Why not know who she is?
He loved her ..... deeply, foolishly, yes ... but well.
He didn't love you.

So why not know her... it may help you understand.

She's a nurse now. She used to be a prostitute. He fell in love with her, because of her joy. She loved the records he love, the music, the movies;

He loved Vaughan Williams, Jean Michel Jarre, it changes
She loved what he liked was nice but she never heard of them.

He loved The Quiet Man and Local Hero and the Omega Man and the Hunt for Red October.
She didn't watch a lot of movies.

They shared the images of the posters of the movies... but she never created any.
What did she like? She like the money he paid and deprived us of.

He like her smile. She said "You're lovely and kind" on his birthday and gave hime a bar of chocolate.

I gave him my life. It is now gone.

When you give someone YOU.... and they chuck you for another ... anyone, no matter how good, bad or "professional" ... you never get yourself back.

Till the day I die... the words Alexandra Christine Anderson - Annie - will never leave me. My soul is written on the sky as Second to Annie. God knows he created Annie to fulfil him in a way I never can. My grave will bear the name of Annie...all I am in the future will be because of her... and him.

I will never leave her behind. She walks, lives, breathes. When she has children - no doubt they will live in peace,

When I sleep from exhaustion ... I wake .... for a moment it is still in my heart and then the coursing pain rushes in ... consuming everything in its path like a tsunami .... pain washes over me perpetually. Panic, panic, panic... breathe ....

She walks the world free. She who took money to pleasure him. She who whispered and held the hand of the man I loved. She who stole my life, my future, my family, my identity. She walks free.

He is tortured. I suspect.

I am broken - Humpty, Dumpty-ish. Cant be redone.

If I had a tube of superglue and the option of patching myself up or closing her eyes forever... I would not hesitate to ensure her life was dark forever.

Obsessed. Maybe.
Human. Totally.
Where are you Jesus... who used to walk before me... did you go where they went together? Were you there when their flesh touched? Did you cry like I do know. Do you ache and find it hard to breathe? Did you obsess over it?

Did you?
Did you?

Did YOU let it go? Jesus?

Why not know?

Why are you advising we not know about the 'Other'?
Why not know who she is?
He loved her ..... deeply, foolishly, yes ... but well.
He didn't love you.

So why not know her... it may help you understand.

She's a nurse now. She used to be a prostitute. He fell in love with her, because of her joy. She loved the records he love, the music, the movies;

He loved Vaughan Williams, Jean Michel Jarre, it changes
She loved what he liked was nice but she never heard of them.

He loved The Quiet Man and Local Hero and the Omega Man and the Hunt for Red October.
She didn't watch a lot of movies.

They shared the images of the posters of the movies... but she never created any.
What did she like? She like the money he paid and deprived us of.

He like her smile. She said "You're lovely and kind" on his birthday and gave hime a bar of chocolate.

I gave him my life. It is now gone.

When you give someone YOU.... and they chuck you for another ... anyone, no matter how good, bad or "professional" ... you never get yourself back.

Till the day I die... the words Alexandra Christine Anderson - Annie - will never leave me. My soul is written on the sky as Second to Annie. God knows he created Annie to fulfil him in a way I never can. My grave will bear the name of Annie...all I am in the future will be because of her... and him.

I will never leave her behind. She walks, lives, breathes. When she has children - no doubt they will live in peace,

When I sleep from exhaustion ... I wake .... for a moment it is still in my heart and then the coursing pain rushes in ... consuming everything in its path like a tsunami .... pain washes over me perpetually. Panic, panic, panic... breathe ....

She walks the world free. She who took money to pleasure him. She who whispered and held the hand of the man I loved. She who stole my life, my future, my family, my identity. She walks free.

He is tortured. I suspect.

I am broken - Humpty, Dumpty-ish. Cant be redone.

If I had a tube of superglue and the option of patching myself up or closing her eyes forever... I would not hesitate to ensure her life was dark forever.

Obsessed. Maybe.
Human. Totally.
Where are you Jesus... who used to walk before me... did you go where they went together? Were you there when their flesh touched? Did you cry like I do know. Do you ache and find it hard to breathe? Did you obsess over it?

Did you?
Did you?

Did YOU let it go? Jesus?

Why not know?

Why are you advising we not know about the 'Other'?
Why not know who she is?
He loved her ..... deeply, foolishly, yes ... but well.
He didn't love you.

So why not know her... it may help you understand.

She's a nurse now. She used to be a prostitute. He fell in love with her, because of her joy. She loved the records he love, the music, the movies;

He loved Vaughan Williams, Jean Michel Jarre, it changes
She loved what he liked was nice but she never heard of them.

He loved The Quiet Man and Local Hero and the Omega Man and the Hunt for Red October.
She didn't watch a lot of movies.

They shared the images of the posters of the movies... but she never created any.
What did she like? She like the money he paid and deprived us of.

He like her smile. She said "You're lovely and kind" on his birthday and gave hime a bar of chocolate.

I gave him my life. It is now gone.

When you give someone YOU.... and they chuck you for another ... anyone, no matter how good, bad or "professional" ... you never get yourself back.

Till the day I die... the words Alexandra Christine Anderson - Annie - will never leave me. My soul is written on the sky as Second to Annie. God knows he created Annie to fulfil him in a way I never can. My grave will bear the name of Annie...all I am in the future will be because of her... and him.

I will never leave her behind. She walks, lives, breathes. When she has children - no doubt they will live in peace,

When I sleep from exhaustion ... I wake .... for a moment it is still in my heart and then the coursing pain rushes in ... consuming everything in its path like a tsunami .... pain washes over me perpetually. Panic, panic, panic... breathe ....

She walks the world free. She who took money to pleasure him. She who whispered and held the hand of the man I loved. She who stole my life, my future, my family, my identity. She walks free.

He is tortured. I suspect.

I am broken - Humpty, Dumpty-ish. Cant be redone.

If I had a tube of superglue and the option of patching myself up or closing her eyes forever... I would not hesitate to ensure her life was dark forever.

Obsessed. Maybe.
Human. Totally.
Where are you Jesus... who used to walk before me... did you go where they went together? Were you there when their flesh touched? Did you cry like I do know. Do you ache and find it hard to breathe? Did you obsess over it?

Did you?
Did you?

Did YOU let it go? Jesus?