Q&A Can You Give Me Advice to Help Put This to Rest?

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Question: 

My husband was sexually abused by an older family member at the age of 8. He never told anyone and feels some responsibility because he went along with it and never protested even though it hurt and terrified him. His affair started as a very drunken one night stand on a work trip where the AP told him to come back to her room and he did not say no even though he says he didn’t really want to go. He says he felt the same numb feelings when he was acting out with her as when he was abused. Yet he says he pushed himself to go along with her suggestions for three months out of anger toward me. I don’t understand this at all and it is very confusing. Can you help me understand, or give me some advice to help me put this to rest? It’s very hard to wrap my mind around but I want to stop torturing both of us with my questions. I don’t want to hurt him any more than he is already hurting. We are 20 months from D-Day and have taken EMS. It has helped us get to this level of understanding but we seem to be stuck.

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