Why Unfaithful Spouses Constantly Resort to Blame?

Samuel shares insight into why the choice to blame is so enticing for unfaithful spouses.

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Another point of view

My soon to be ex- husband, the unfaithful, finds strength in Tony Robbins. He bases a lot of his teaching on the 6 human needs and summed up, claims that people cheat because their needs aren't being met. I am sure that there is a lot of truth to this and their are many factors that lead a person to cheat. We attended EMS weekend over a year ago and he did H4H and we started to do better for a while. He started moving away from AR and more to his individual healing through Tony Robbins and that is when our recovery started falling apart in my opinion. I started to feel as though the state of the marriage and myself were being blamed for the infidelity. He no longer feels the necessity to be safe for me if he felt that my insecurity was silly. I am wondering if you have any experience with Tony Robbins as I feel that it does put a lot of blame on the betrayed. I should note we are 16 months from d-day.

thoughts on tony robbins...

hi there.  thank you for reaching out.  it falls in line with what i say quite often, "you really need infidelity specific, expert help" to heal.  (TR) tony robbins is brilliant when it comes to business and maybe personal development in that arena, but in terms of healing your marriage after infidelity i'm not sure he's the best source.  he has some great stuff, sure and i've read some of it just about personal improvement etc.  but in terms of judging things by the fruit of it right now, it's certainly not translating into better remorse, oneness, empathy and compassion towards you.  the TR stuff is intoxicating for a bit...meaning it's really tempting to feel powerful and empowered for your own life in business etc and you feel like you're strong enough to tackle the world, but it tends to fade if it's not sustained with a plan or with further support.  i'm sorry you're feeling this....it's a concern as it's a form of relapse mentally and emotionally if now he's resorting back to blaming you and putting it on you....