Q&A Can You Suggest Ways to Address Our Issues?

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Question: 

We've been married 31 years and a year ago my husband revealed past affairs, porn, and more. Shortly after, I asked husband to leave and we are informally separated. Emotional abuse has been present for a very long time. We haven't been able to have a good willed discussion privately, over simple to complex issues, without covert tactics that shut down my voice. I continue to confess my emotional reactions and understand that my side needs to be clean. We counseled online with an expert, and he did not address the affairs and by the time I realized protocol, I was unwilling to do online counseling. My husband was learning boundaries, yet trampling all over my heart. I felt boundaries were another tactic for him to not talk about issues. I sensed he was not being truthful with the counselor and I felt ignored when I brought up what was happening at home, yet he was able to present another image in counseling. We are back seeing individually a former counselor and she supports me on what repentance looks like as well as reconciliation. She sees narcissistic traits in my husband. My husband wants to connect without talking about hard issues. This is how we lived our life, peace at all costs. Can you suggest a strategy to begin to talk about issues and one with accountability so that in counseling it is not a “he said she said” situation?

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