Q&A Has My Husband's Sexual Addiction Ruined His Ability to Be Attracted to Me?

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Question: 

My husband suffers from a decade long pornography and online sex addiction. He is currently in treatment and I can see how God is graciously changing his heart. Throughout our marriage my husband has not pursued me sexually. I have been the initiator and have most often been denied save rare occasions when he will give in to my pleading for intimacy. Since D-Day 6 months ago, I have unfortunately seen the women he has been engaged with online and they appear extremely different than me. This has explained the years of rejection now learning that I have not ever fit into the sexual arousal template that he has created due to the decades long online behavior. Can this ever change? Can his brain be changed to find me attractive? I fear that despite giving up his online behavior, he will have to continue to force himself to be with me while wishing for (or imagining) the other women. Many Christian advisors suggest that my identity should be so rooted and hidden in Christ’s great love for me that it shouldn’t matter if my husband finds me attractive or not. That seems so contradictory to what I know about God’s design for marriage. Does sexual addiction change that? My only hope is that God has the power to change sexual addiction.

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