Q&A How Can the Betrayed Handle Triggers during Reconciliation?

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Question: 

My husband falls into Category 4 - wanting the marriage and affair partner. He had an affair for 7 years before discovery. He said he knew it was wrong but just could not give her up. It felt good and she always gave him positive feedback. He maintains he always loved me and never loved her. Since discovery 11 months ago he says he has had no contact with her except to end the affair. He has attended an EMS weekend with me and we are in couples therapy. We are separated. Our kids share time between our two homes. I am afraid to live together as I will not have a break from the anxiety I feel when I am around him. During the first couple months after discovery, just being in the same room with him was difficult. I was terrified. Now, being together privately is good but I still struggle very much when we are out in public especially with friends and family. I cherish the peace I find at home. What happens to me when he is living with me again? How does the betrayed navigate the very real physical reactions of their bodies when they are counter productive to reconciliation? Is my body telling me something I need to be paying attention to or is this just left over trauma baggage?

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