Q&A How Can Do We Get past This When She Doesn’t Believe She Had a Physical Affair?

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Question: 

My wife and I had been struggling in our marriage since 2017. At the end of last year my friend went through a divorce and started visiting daily. We started talking to him more about his marriage and how it ended up in divorce hoping we could avoid making the same mistakes as we try to work on our relationship. She needed someone to talk to about our issues and in January, we ended up staying at his place and had to share a bed. I was working and they were alone most nights. I asked if they had sex, she became defensive. In May she admitted they were physically intimate and 1 hour later said they weren’t physically intimate. We have 20+ D-Days. For three weeks she spent 18 hours telling me about her sexual & emotional affairs in detail, and as usual ends disclosure by saying she made it all up. Her reason for repeatedly disclosing and then denying her sexual infidelity, is that she has all these images of them having sex but she feels that it’s not really what happened and she can’t face herself if turns out that they were real memories. Each D-Day gives hope, pain with a purpose, that we can finally move past it and start to heal, but as soon as she takes it back it just rips me to pieces. How can do we get past this when she doesn’t believe she had a physical affair, but can’t explain the sexual “memories”.

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