Q&A How Can I Communicate That It Was Shame That Caused Me to Hide?

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Question: 

We are 10 months from D-Day, we have completed EMSO, and we are in Married for Life. My wife still says she doesn't know if she can ever forgive me or ever love me again. Even though I only had a one-time affair 14 years ago, she feels that I haven't loved her for our entire 15 year marriage because I chose to hide it instead of telling her. She also feels that I've always been self-seeking in our sexuality, primarily pursuing personal satisfaction and validation rather than showing her care and compassion. This has left her feeling used and abused since discovery. How can I help her understand that it was shame that caused me to hide? And how can I help her understand that, even though I didn't love her well in our sexuality, I did love her? I'm working every day to change and be someone she can respect again.

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